Time for a story, something you have asked me to share…
I grew up in a traditionally catholic household. Church on Sundays. Catechism on Wednesdays.
I was an altar girl. I remember the scent of frankincense and myrrh, how it filled the air and created slow, hazy patterns with the stained glass colored light filtering throughout.
I also remember a deep sense of shame. Shame permeated everything around the rituals, the encouragement to become “clean” over and over again because I was inherently dirty. With sin. Weak and in need of control, incapable of my own benevolence. Questioning what I was reading or being taught was just further evidence within the church that I needed to be herded penned into safety.
I do not believe everything is terrible about organized faith. There is a community, a safe place for those who otherwise feel alone. However, as I closed the door on christianity I was able to embrace a renewed feeling of god everywhere. I don't know if I believe in a higher power, certainly not a singular he or otherwise. But there is something beautifully powerful in the people I love. In the way I feel when I return to nature, an undeniable magic everywhere slows down and I can almost hear voices letting on that there is so much more than this.
I think there is a god in every single one of us. I believe it is in me and no matter how dark the world gets, I have to believe it's in you too.
When I came across these loose diamonds, shaping into that of a cross I felt a sense of nostalgia as well as a sense of ownership- ownership of my own relationship to letting go of how I was raised, what I know to be true today and how I embrace the powers that be. It may be different than how you experience faith. I've found that a cross can be as simple as fashion iconography, a sinister reminder, a symbol of home of growth of pain or hope of oppression. It may in fact be one of the most personal insignias there is.
I'll leave you with a question - what kind of feeling does a symbol like a cross create for you? If any?
xx
-Elizabeth